hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
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