I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to make out with him forever
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize