i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
ugly people sure do ruin things
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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