Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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