omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
that's an acceptable place to lick
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
