you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
