the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
