Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
