First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
