On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize