True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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