you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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