doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
