Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
