The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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