I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
