I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I cannot find my penis.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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