You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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