thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
so let's talk penis.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
