Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
