Need sex. Gaining weight.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
