If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
