Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
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Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
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I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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