It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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