i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
