i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
