im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
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