shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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