it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
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Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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