Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
