my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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