I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
