When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter