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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again

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• (406): View more from Montana

  Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass

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• (864): View more from South Carolina

  weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.

  Fav 51 18320 1506

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.

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  The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped

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• (269): View more from Michigan

  He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.

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• (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits

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• (707): View more from California

  She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.

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  19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (785): View more from Kansas

  In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets

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• (212): View more from New York

  This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.

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• (912): View more from Georgia

  I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.

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• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando

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