I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
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And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
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The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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