He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
