What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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