Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
