first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
