I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Even my vagina gasped.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize