we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
