JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
