Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
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Drunk walkin through police station. America
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
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Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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