dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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