After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
