my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
That's how pantless uber rides happen
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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