The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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