No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
