3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
