hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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