i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
