shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
did i just pee glitter
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
