Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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