Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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