Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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