Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
