just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
