i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
