She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
