What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
