I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
