Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
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