It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
