My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You dont lie about slip and slides
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
