We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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