I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
