I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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