why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
